Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
