I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
