I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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