sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
