It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
