WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like eating out sand paper
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
