I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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