i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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