are you still at the devil's house?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk is not a location!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
