I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
