Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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