I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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