Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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