mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
