I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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