i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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