Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
