I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
