grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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