I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
