i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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