goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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