Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Someone shit on the floor
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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