my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
