So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
