If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i've created a new STD.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
