There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want a musical about memes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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