Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
