I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize