The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
