just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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