You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
