she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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