Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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