The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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