My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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