i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
