ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
