don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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