I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
