I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
