Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize