A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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