Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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