Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
