Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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