Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
