and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
