Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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