life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sarcasm needs its own font
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
