at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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