And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
