Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
4 words: hood of his car
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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