; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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