all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
