she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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