She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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