No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
