I wish I could teleport
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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