I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
