We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
