Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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