She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
