He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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