Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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