I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
