Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
did i just pee glitter
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
