Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
