i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
two words: eviction party
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
