I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
