Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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