I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
