I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
