put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
