Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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