4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
